First Steps

Ahhh the joys of the adoption process. They are long, tedious, and expensive. I will not bore you with the details. I'll just summarize.....

We completed our paperwork in June of 2007 and began the waiting process. Over the summer our friends gave us a shower so we would be ready at a moment's notice. Every ring of the phone made my jump a million miles.

In September my wife and I both went to a work conference. As usual, we stepped off the plane and turned our phones on. The voicemail rang strong on both phones. It was the adoption agency. There was a baby girl!!!

I think we both expected the next step to be an easy one. Turn around, get on a plane and go home to pick her up! Of course life can't work that way.

"There are some health concerns you should be aware of." Uugh.... It turns out that her birthmother, a 22 year old, was HIV positive and in denial. So there was no prenatal care at all. The baby had been started on her meds and was healthy other than that.

We got in a cab on the way to the hotel. My mom, a nurse, was calling people at local hospitals to find out the risks involved, the chances of the baby developing HIV, etc. The next couple of hours were really long ones. You always think that health won't play an issue, that you just want a baby. But, in reality, health matters. I guess we were selfish there for a while.

After learning that with treatment the baby had only a 2% chance of developing HIV, and knowing that this was a little girl for whom we could really make a difference we said yes! We got on a plane the next morning to go home and prepare for our little girl.

If only it was that easy.....

Starting at the end

The end of our story is the best part; so I am going to start there!

My wife and I have a gorgeous 2 year old! Phoebe is the most amazing kid ever - I know all moms say that. She is stunning, and smart! She's also two so we are in the throws of tantrums and strong willed acting out. I love every minute of it!

The beginning of our story is much harder. Adoption is a roller coaster ride, as is the case with most life experiences.

After years of failed IUI attempts to get pregnant we decided that being a family was more important than being pregnant. So we found a great agency in NYC that we instantly loved. They were small enough that we did not feel like a number. Most importantly, they were the only agency that answered my request for information. Not every company will work with same sex couples.

At that first meeting we asked the question that would come back to haunt us.....

"How often do you have to take babies back because birth mothers change their minds."

"Never in 11 years!" was the answer......

There's a first for everything!