The timeline for the next events become a jumble...
We flew home from the conference and my mom came to us too. We got the bassinet ready and all of the stuff for our daughter, who was to be named Kathryn Mary.
Over the next couple of days we learned more about the birth mom... she was 22 and had hid the pregnancy from her family. They eventually found out as she ended up in the hospital longer than expected. They were trying to convince her to keep the baby but she did not want to.
Finally the call came to meet the social worker at the hospital. We were so excited.... my partner, my mom and I got in the car, complete with new car seat and headed off to the hospital. We had to wait outside because it was hospital policy not to do adoption "hand-offs" in the facility. So we got there and waited......
and waited.....
In my head I started thinking that this could not be good... but he would have called, right?
An hour later the social worker came outside empty handed. She had decided she might not want to give the baby up.
We were crushed...... two years later this still brings tears to my eyes. It's the first time I have put this step by step into words. We got back in the car and cried the whole way home. My mom flew back home that night and we tried to pick up.
A few days later the phone rang again to tell us that the birth mother had changed her mind and was ready to give up her baby girl for adoption.
What should we do?
Monday, November 30, 2009
Friday, November 27, 2009
First Steps
Ahhh the joys of the adoption process. They are long, tedious, and expensive. I will not bore you with the details. I'll just summarize.....
We completed our paperwork in June of 2007 and began the waiting process. Over the summer our friends gave us a shower so we would be ready at a moment's notice. Every ring of the phone made my jump a million miles.
In September my wife and I both went to a work conference. As usual, we stepped off the plane and turned our phones on. The voicemail rang strong on both phones. It was the adoption agency. There was a baby girl!!!
I think we both expected the next step to be an easy one. Turn around, get on a plane and go home to pick her up! Of course life can't work that way.
"There are some health concerns you should be aware of." Uugh.... It turns out that her birthmother, a 22 year old, was HIV positive and in denial. So there was no prenatal care at all. The baby had been started on her meds and was healthy other than that.
We got in a cab on the way to the hotel. My mom, a nurse, was calling people at local hospitals to find out the risks involved, the chances of the baby developing HIV, etc. The next couple of hours were really long ones. You always think that health won't play an issue, that you just want a baby. But, in reality, health matters. I guess we were selfish there for a while.
After learning that with treatment the baby had only a 2% chance of developing HIV, and knowing that this was a little girl for whom we could really make a difference we said yes! We got on a plane the next morning to go home and prepare for our little girl.
If only it was that easy.....
We completed our paperwork in June of 2007 and began the waiting process. Over the summer our friends gave us a shower so we would be ready at a moment's notice. Every ring of the phone made my jump a million miles.
In September my wife and I both went to a work conference. As usual, we stepped off the plane and turned our phones on. The voicemail rang strong on both phones. It was the adoption agency. There was a baby girl!!!
I think we both expected the next step to be an easy one. Turn around, get on a plane and go home to pick her up! Of course life can't work that way.
"There are some health concerns you should be aware of." Uugh.... It turns out that her birthmother, a 22 year old, was HIV positive and in denial. So there was no prenatal care at all. The baby had been started on her meds and was healthy other than that.
We got in a cab on the way to the hotel. My mom, a nurse, was calling people at local hospitals to find out the risks involved, the chances of the baby developing HIV, etc. The next couple of hours were really long ones. You always think that health won't play an issue, that you just want a baby. But, in reality, health matters. I guess we were selfish there for a while.
After learning that with treatment the baby had only a 2% chance of developing HIV, and knowing that this was a little girl for whom we could really make a difference we said yes! We got on a plane the next morning to go home and prepare for our little girl.
If only it was that easy.....
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Starting at the end
The end of our story is the best part; so I am going to start there!
My wife and I have a gorgeous 2 year old! Phoebe is the most amazing kid ever - I know all moms say that. She is stunning, and smart! She's also two so we are in the throws of tantrums and strong willed acting out. I love every minute of it!
The beginning of our story is much harder. Adoption is a roller coaster ride, as is the case with most life experiences.
After years of failed IUI attempts to get pregnant we decided that being a family was more important than being pregnant. So we found a great agency in NYC that we instantly loved. They were small enough that we did not feel like a number. Most importantly, they were the only agency that answered my request for information. Not every company will work with same sex couples.
At that first meeting we asked the question that would come back to haunt us.....
"How often do you have to take babies back because birth mothers change their minds."
"Never in 11 years!" was the answer......
There's a first for everything!
My wife and I have a gorgeous 2 year old! Phoebe is the most amazing kid ever - I know all moms say that. She is stunning, and smart! She's also two so we are in the throws of tantrums and strong willed acting out. I love every minute of it!
The beginning of our story is much harder. Adoption is a roller coaster ride, as is the case with most life experiences.
After years of failed IUI attempts to get pregnant we decided that being a family was more important than being pregnant. So we found a great agency in NYC that we instantly loved. They were small enough that we did not feel like a number. Most importantly, they were the only agency that answered my request for information. Not every company will work with same sex couples.
At that first meeting we asked the question that would come back to haunt us.....
"How often do you have to take babies back because birth mothers change their minds."
"Never in 11 years!" was the answer......
There's a first for everything!
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